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Derek Jeter Tests Positive for Intangibles (Satire)

Published by on June 14, 2009
Article Source: Bleacher Report - MLB

Multiple sources have reported today that Yankees' shortstop Derek Jeter has tested positive and will serve a 50-game suspension for performance enhancing drugs.

Our sources have confirmed that the positive test was for a designer steroid known simply as "the glue."

"The glue" does not help develop a player's speed or strength, nor does it help players recover from injury. In fact, "the glue" does not increase physical performance at all.

"The glue" is specifically designed to enhance an athlete's intangible ability to do all the "little things."

While numerous steroid admissions have already done irrefutable harm to Major League Baseball, this has easily been the most shocking and most damagi...

Read Complete Article at Bleacher Report - MLB
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