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David Stern: O Dark Lord, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Published by on May 27, 2009
Article Source: Bleacher Report - NBA

Please tell me why. I have been nothing but a loyal servant to you during my 25 years as NBA commissioner, per our deal.

I rigged the lottery back in 1985. I got those scary black guys to look presentable. I foisted Gary Bettman onto the NHL. I continue to torment Mark Cuban. I stole the SuperSonics from Seattle. I hired the most incompetent officials in pro sports. I even created the WNBA.

And all I've ever asked from you is one thing: Cavs vs. Lakers in the NBA Finals. Kobe vs. LeBron. It'd be a ratings bonanza! We've already started hyping it—haven't you seen our puppet commercials? Those are good!

And now you're going to ruin it for me! No one cares about Orlando, yet the Magic have a 3-1 lead. ...

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