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Mass Suicide Avoided in Cleveland Thanks to LeBron’s 3-Point Prayer

Published by on May 23, 2009
Article Source: Bleacher Report - NBA

(Fake News)

CLEVELAND: LeBron James' miraculous game-winning basket Friday night not only won the Cavaliers game two of the Eastern Conference Finals, but it looks like the shot also saved the lives of over 1 million Clevelanders.

"I don't care what anybody tells you, a mass suicide was going to happen," says Joe Fagerton, who was leaving the only downtown bar in the city that stays open past 6:30 p.m. "After we lost the Browns to Baltimore in 1995, everyone in the city agreed that if we got [pooped] on again, we were going to kill ourselves."

According to Fagerton, Mayor Frank Jackson requires every citizen in the city to carry around a cyanide pill. Jackson, who says he refers to Cleveland as 'Jonestown' ...

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